Dollface.

The Blow Up Doll.

Blow Me Up Before You Use Me,

Deflate Me When You Hate Me.

I'm Convenient. 

With My Painted On Face And My Printed On Hair,

Strong Enough Not To Let Emotion Through The Vinyl,

Weak Enough To Flop.

Blatant Visible Seams To Show The Weakest Points,

So You Know Where To Tear Me Apart.

I Could Come With A Voice Box,

It Replaces My Heart.

The Airhead.

Or Seen As To Be.

If This Air Is My Thoughts Then I'll Burst My Own Brain.

Where Will You Point The Pin This Time?

Suprise Me.

Hey, At Least I'll Be Thinner.

Then You Can Buy A New One.

Love, Your Blow Up Doll.

'Big River'.

I'm Bored.

My Nails Are Chipped And Broken.

I'm Tired.

And I'm Bored.

What I Make, I Hate.

It Needs Something.

There's Soo Many People Making Extraordinary Things.

I've Gotta Up My Game.

My Bedroom Is Freezing But I Feel Weird With The Window Closed.

Then There's That Moment When You Pull Your Duvet Up And It's Like Ice, 

And For That Moment It's Almost Like You'll Never Be Warm Again.

But Then You Do The 'Cold Bed Wriggle And Shake'.

And Your Feet Start To Mildly Radiate Some Warmth.

Well For Me At Least.

Then Mid Sleep You Wake Up Instantly Regretting Your Sensible Pijamas.

If Only I Could Connect My Mind To A Screen.

There's Things That I Think,

That Others Will Never See.

Not Because I Don't Want Them To,

But Because I Can't Put It On Paper,

Or Explain It While Sounding Sane.

So If There's Balls Of Steel & Hearts Of Glass,

What Is Your Mind?

And Does It Fit? Or Relate To Those Things?

Does It Even Need To?

You Can Be Brave And Not Stop To Think First.

Or Give Your Ticker Away Then Only Remember Your Mind Once It's Shattered.

Maybe.

I Feel Like If I Don't Write This Crap Down I'll Forget It,

But It Would Still Take Space Up In My Mind.

Or Hand Around Like Bubble Gum If You Swallow It.

A Great Woman Once Said,

'If You're Gonna Pose, You Have To Mean It'.

Auntie Pat That Was, She's A Legend.

All I Want Is:

A New Dress,

New Shoes,

Something Shiny,

New War Paint,

A New Hairdo, 

 New Perfume,

Fancy Nails,

A Bigger Bust,

Slimmer Waist,

Lovely Legs And

A Flashy Smile.

But They're Not What I Need.

Far From It.

Sometimes I Forget The Difference.

As I'm Sure Most Of Us Do.

Come On, Get Down Off Your High Horse.

You Don't Have To Justify Anything To Me.

But What I Need Is A Night With Some Friends And The Stars.

An Early Morning Drive With The Window Open.

Washing My Car With No Shoes On.

Cycling Along The Seaside With My Music On.

And A Sit On The Beach With My Sketchbook.

Just Because I Can. xXx

'Taking The Long Way Round.'

To Me It Would Seem That I Need To Invest In You.
To Work At It.
I'm Not Fond Of My Life's Canvas Becoming Infested With Bitter, Empty, Pointless, Poisons.
Instead I Need To Invest In Something Worth It.
But What's It?
'That's About As Good As It Gets.'
'That's Worth It's Weight In Gold'
'Because You're Worth It'.
Worth?
Hmm.
Debatable Is My New Favourite Word.
Because Lately I Can't See Any Existence Of A 'Level Playing Field'.
Right? Wrong?
Bollocks.
You've Got The Preachers Preaching Something,
While The 'Anti Preachers' Are Preaching Something Back To The Preachers,
Who Were Subsequently Preaching To The 'Anti Preachers' About Their Right To Preach,
While The 'Anti Preachers' Defend Their Right To, Um... Preach.
Makes Sense, Right?
I Know What I Mean In My Head.
What My Voice Box Says Or My Fat Fingers Type,
Could Be Another Matter.
We're All So Desperate For Attention,
To Be Noticed.
Have You Ever Thought That The One You May Never Have Noticed,
May Be The Person Who's Noticing You?
We Want To Stand Out.
So Stop Trying To Fit In With The Out Crowd.
Crowd = Crowded.
There's Too Many.
Be You, It's The One Thing No One Else Can Be.
I Love Waking Up In A Certain Tent,
At Certain Events.
Early Enough To Be Tired For The Rest Of The Day,
But Just In Time To See The Sun Working It's Magic While Most People Miss It.
Zipping Open My Door And Wrapping It Up Just Enough To Let That Lovely Breeze In.
Then Sit With My Feet In The Sun,
Doing My Make Up Trying To Interpret 'The Natural Look/Bed Head' Combo.
Until I Can Be Bothered To Fufill My Glam Mission For The Day.
Then Sit With My Music On, Book Open.
Then Wait For Other Early Risers To Make An Appearance.
This Weekend I Felt Like A Different Person.
I Wanted To Go Out, Meet New People.
Stay Out Late, Get Lost, Make Friends.
And Those Stupid Questions Never Popped Into My Head.
'I Can't Do That What Will They Think Of Me'
'What If They Don't Like Me'
Etc.
But For Once I Thought 'Screw It'.
I Felt Like Owning It.
Maybe Abit Fearless.
What A Maverick, Ay?
Either Way My Silly Mumblings Mean Something To Me.
I Fit Into A Dress I Bought 2 Years Ago.
I Dolled Up.
Introduced Myself To Strangers.
Went Off Alone, Got Lost.
But I Still Went Off Alone And Met New People.
Got In Late.
But I Felt Brilliant.
New Friends And Old.
Fantastic.
I Don't Know If To Be On A Hight Because It Was Ace.
Or Low Because It's Over.
My Heart Hurts So Bad Because I Was Looking Forward To It For SO Long.
It Was So Very Much Worth It. xXx

'Magpies Stole My Diamonds, This Bastard World's Stealing My Dream'.

I Can't Settle.

Settling Means Slowing To A Halt.

For Now Anyways.

I Just Don't Have The Time For Now.

Friends And Family Mostly Settled And Happy, That's Great.

It's Right For Them.

But Not For Me.

There's Too Much To Do And Not Enough Time.

The Country's A Joke.

And Not Many See The Punchline Coming.

I Took The Dive, And So Far I Haven't Been Dragged Down.

I Started My Business.

Here's The Shameless Plug.

www.facebook.com/cjmagpiesco

It May Not Be Much Right Now,

But It's Mine.

I Can't Wait For Bigger Things.

Better Things.

The Stupid Thing Is That This Silly World Completely Revolves Around Money.

I Can't Get Stuff Done Because Of The Lack Of It.

When I'm Not Working, I'm Crafting.

When I'm Not Crafting I'm Applying For Jobs.

All Surrounded By Housework. 

Bitch, Bitch, Moan, Moan.

Writing It Won't Change My Current Sittuation.

But It Don't 'Arf Make Me Feel Better.

People With Stupid Wise Words Are Starting To Piss Me Off.

Uh-Oh I Hear The Hypocrite Sirens Blaring.

But Seriously. 

If I Wanted Wisdom, I'd Have Gone To A Wizard.

People Who've Got It Good Can't Tell The Grafters The Ways Of The World.

And Vice Versa.

Truth Is You Don't Know What Goes On Behind Closed Doors Or Glassy Eyes.

Dream, Dreamer, Dreamy, To Dream.

Why Not?

I Find A Dream Is Most Often A Damn Sight Better Than What This Reality Lark Has To Offer Most Of The Time.

I Keep Having These Heart Stopping Moments Where I Remember How Fucked It All Is.

It Makes My Insides Ache.

Then I See Something Shiny,

Panic Overted.

I Have Too Much To Give, Too Many I Care About, Too Much I Do For What?

Exactly, I Have No Idea What I'm Doing And Why.

Apart From I Know How Too Much I Have To Give.

Which Is Fine Because It's Going To Be Great.

But To Get Over Feeling So Deflated And Unappreciated.

Isn't So Great.

But A Few Kind Words Of Reassurance From A Best Friend,

Puts A Smile On My Face.

As Does The Thought Of Reunions Possibly Coming Soon!

It's Mad To Love People So Far Away,

To Miss Them So Much It Hurts.

'Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fond...'

Bullshit, It's Makes It A Pain In The Right Royal Behind.

Above All The Mumbo Jumbo.

I Want To Get Away, 

I Want My Friends.

I Want Laughter,

I Want Long Conversations.

I Need Inspiration.

Peace Out. xXx

Repetitive Rant. Don't, Just Don't.

So Apparently It's 2012.

I Feel Like I've Lost A Year.

And I Haven't Bloody Learnt Anything Have I?

Waste Of Sodding Time.

But Yet Again,

It's My Own God Damn Fault.

I Defend People Until The End,

When I Realise They Weren't Worth It & I Wasted My Time.

Wore My Silly Ticker On My Sleeve,

Then Gave It To The Wrong Bastard.

Went All Out On Those,

Then Remembered They Weren't Worth The Money.

Again.

Held Back And Kept My Mouth Shut,

Because I Thought I Was Right Too.

Brilliant.

I Can't Keep Doing It.

Literally My Body Can't Do It.

The Aches, The Pains, The Tears.

Stuff YOU Won't Know Because You Never Take The Fucking Time To Care.

Just Shrug Me Off Or Ignore Me.

Probably Easier, Right?

Fair Play.

But Nah You're Alright,

I'll Keep Pretending It's Fine.

Fuck It, I Haven't Got The Time.

It Shatters Me To Be Around People That Care.

Because It Brings Back That Shy, Awkward, Cautious Girl.

That Doesn't Know Any Better.

But Knows You Don't Care As Much As Acquainted Strangers.

Gloom And Doom Aside.

I'm Bloody Lucky.

I Have People Who Love Me And Take Care Of Me.

Bring Out That Confident, Happy, Smiley Girl.

But I'll Always Get That Twang.

Like Being Stabbed By A Icicle.

Not That I Know What That's Like, But Yeah.

So I Have One Hell Of A Week Coming Up.

Starting With A Mega Sleepover With 2 Lesbinim Builders,

Cake & MEGA PASS THE PARCEL!

Then Countdown To Nantwich.

Where I Get To Introduce My Johns To A New World.

So Fucking Excited.

Don't You Dare Ruin Any Of It. xXx

Cross My Heart And Hope To Di...YOU THIEVING BASTARD.

Don't Put Yourself Out For People.

It's Not Worth The Arse-Ache.

Halloween Is My Favourite Time Of Year.

The Whole Irony Of The Masks.

It's Taken Me Well Over A Month To Find Words.

My Skeleton Is Falling Apart.

My Skull Bones Hurt From Over Thinking Possible Scenarios.

My Jaw Bones Hurt From Keeping My Mouth Shut Tight.

My Neck Bones Hurt From Holding This Head Up High.

My Rib Cage Hurts From Being The Only Thing In The Way Of Pulling The Ticker Out And Throwing It Away.

My Back Bones Hurt From Holding My Shoulders Back, Bum In, Tits Out.

My Hip Bones Hurt From Trying To Avoid The Duck Waddle.

My Knee Bones Hurt From Stopping Me Falling Down On Them.

My Leg Bones Hurt From Trying To Keep Up With You.

If You Didn't Know Me You'd Probably Think That's The Only Part Of Me Left That's Real.

Safe To Say Sometimes I Feel The Same.

My Hair Is Dyed And Mostly Fake.

I Glue On My Eyelashes.

Draw On My Lips.

My Chest Is Pushed Up Within An Inch Of It's Life.

My Nails Are Acrylic.

My Waist Is A Corset.

My Butt And Shape Wear Knickers Are BFF's.

My Legs Covered In Nylons.

Stilletoes For Height.

'You'd Be Suprised How Much It Costs To Look This Cheap' - Dolly Parton.

Will Always Be My Favourite Statement.

Good Friends Are Like Your Favourite Expensive Perfume.

Get Them Out On Special Ocassions.

Not As Often As You'd Like To.

Don't Use Too Much As You're Scared Of Running Out.

Reliable, Long Lasting And Beautiful.

However That Knock Off Petrol Based £1 Off The Market Jobby?

Leave It There, Where It Belongs.

I'm Not Saying Because It Fucking Stinks.

Or Because It's Probably Going To Give You A Rash.

But Because It Doesn't Deserve To Be Anywhere Near You.

Invest In Something Special.

Someone. xXx

Green, Not Quite Pea But Not Quite Ivy.

A Lovely Old Man Has Recently Made It To The Skies.

I Hope He Found Her.

I'll Miss His Morris Minor With The Falling Out Indicators.

Or How One Time Dad Was Fixing It While We Had Happy Meals In The Back Of The White Alfa Romeo (With Purple Velvet Seats, Total Whitesnake).

And He Gave Us Dolly Mixtures And We Ripped The Bag And He Said 'Oh No, You Can't Tell Dad I Gave You Them. You'll Get Me In Trouble.'

She Left First, But I Never Saw Him Sad.

What A Happy Gentleman.

It's Nice To Think They Go To Better Places.

He Definately Did.

Why Have I Only Just Now Realised What I've Been Missing Out On.

Places To Go, Things To See, People To Meet.

Waster.

Appreciator?

I've Missed Those Miraculous Things By Being Selfishly Blind.

But One Bright Spark Conversation.

Was Like Putting My Glasses On.

Wind In Your Hair, Sounds Of The Sea.

Makes The Drama Non Existent.

If Even Only For One Hour Fifteen Minutes, Roughly 7 Miles.

It Seems I'm Forever Making These Defining Posts.

Very Quite 'Me Against The World'.

Very Sickly.

Hi My Name Is Charlie Please Wipe Your Feet.

I'm So Bottled Up To The Point Where It's Overwhelming To Hear Talk.

Weird To Know Someone Wants To Listen.

But I Can't Talk The Bastard Waterworks Beat Me To It.

Fucks Up My Make Up.

Reduces My Voice To A Whiney Bitch Shrill Tone.

And The Shakes.

Nothing Feels Safe Right Now.

The Only Secure Thing I Can Feel Right Now Are These Soft, Warmy, Ice Cream Coloured (Neapolitan) Socks.

Keep My Feet Safe From Frostbite And Plugs.

Amen To That.

Everything Feels Like An Irritating Little Brother Joke At The Moment.

Or A Stupidly Tanned Gameshow Host With Teeth Too Big For His Head.

'You Could Of Had... BUT WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THAT.'

Or 'Here You Go Have It *Reaches* JOKES! No Really You Can Have It *Reaches* AHAHAH PROPER JOKES.'

Ugh Get Bent.

You Are A Problem.

Not You, Or You.

You Move To The Left, Yep There.

You.

You Pretty Much Gave Me The Solution.

Didn't Even Have To Think Once.

But Now I Want To Love You.

Not You, Or You.

Now You Move Over To The Right, Yup Just There.

You.

I Wake Up In The Foulest Mood, See Your Face.

Which Then Keeps Mine Smiling All Day.

Too Perfect.

The Little Things.

Obstacles Schmobstacles.

Insert Projectile Vom Here.

Followed By Tacky Lyric.

Meh Fuck It I'm All Smiles :)

Flipside. xXx